The Fork in the Road

I see it coming, I know its close. My life has been a rollercoaster for the last 5 years and i am on the verge of so many better things.

In the next 4 weeks I will know if I am safe in my job. a 6 month probation period has left me scared , nervous, worried not planning my future keeping life on hold.  I will be holding my breath until April 20. That is when I can breath properly, that is when I can know if I can take the rest of the steps to improve my life. Megan is still struggling with her health, we had a brief reprieve of 4 days last week but the bleeding started up again over the weekend and I know that we will be dealing with health issues for her no matter where we are.

We have lived in Markham Ontario since Fall 2006…in a basement apartment with an amazing family that we love. They have been good to us and I will never regret spending time here. It is however time for us to get out of a basement, get windows, a dishwasher a bathtub….and maybe a puppy!

The reality of our area is that as a caucasian we are the minority, my daughter is 1 of 5 caucasian children in her high school. Megan has lots of friends that love her, but indian families and chinese families tend to socialize within there family. Megan understands these cultures far better than anyone in my generation , she has grown up with them, she has helped a friend make sure her backback didn’t smell of alcohol after rubbing alcohol from earrings spilt on it, she knew how much trouble that would cause if her friend brought home the backpack. She doesn’t get invited to their homes, she doesn’t get to go to movies with them on the weekend and giggle about boys…Megan gets very little social time with friends outside of the school environment. I want to give her a more balanced environment a melting pot that is more equally mixed and where she can find friends that can socialize with her.

My son is moving to college in the fall and he is considering a college in London Ontario.

This is a game changer and an opportunity that may change our lives.

I work remotely in Toronto , my team is actually based 3 hours west of me in London. Ontario.  This means there is a way for me to transfer to the London area with my job in tact.

London, is far cheaper for rent. I am renting a 2 bedroom basement apartment in Markham for 1100 a month. I could rent a 3 bedroom house in London for that price.

Commute time for me in Toronto ranges from the best of 40 minutes to the worst of 2 hours totally dependant on weather and traffic.  Its like rolling a dice there is no way to know what it will be. The traffic in London is far lighter and I would be close to work.

Megan would have a balance of friends.  Her high school years would bring all the joys and pains that it should. She has also confirmed that there are 2 Bath and Bodyworks store in London and that makes her very happy!

Alex wants to live in residence for college. He is turning 18 and he wants to stretch his wings and I understand that. However London is 3 hours away from where we are now so he would not have any family support nearby if things dont go well.  If I am in London he has an escape from the madness of the dorms, he can get a dose of family whenever he is homesick. Being there for him would mean the world to me.

But…..I have so many friends that I love in the Toronto area. I can go out dancing every weekend and have a great group of friends to do that with. My stepdad is in Toronto and he is my rock. My aunt pat who is a great support structure for Megan is 30 minutes north of where we are now, My grandparents are 90 years old and they live 90 minutes east of where we are now…the trip to see them would be 4.5 hours each direction from London!

Leaving this support structure behind is scary, not knowing who I will have in London is scary, but I am old enough to know I make friends easily and that can’t be a reason not to go.

The tempation and pull is strong…the fork in the road is calling to me….

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4 thoughts on “The Fork in the Road

  1. I think that “one step at a time” is as much as anyone can do, life sadly doesn’t come with guarantees that any big decision we make will turn out perfectly.

    All we can do is to try and make the wisest decision we can, based on the the facts as we have them at the time and the biggest dose of common sense available from within ourselves and from others who are helping us.

    If life were without risks, when what would we be like? Sometimes it’s hard to know what to do and wouldn’t you just WISH for a crystal ball for a quick peek?

    Life is all about taking deep breaths and being brave…
    After following your blog for a while now, I have no doubts that you can take whatever steps and opportunities are right and necessary for this point in your life, you ARE strong and you are not giving up.

    London to be, or not to be, it comes down to doing it for all the right reasons.

    Take courage, the future is in part what you make it. It’s just that sometimes a frayed edge in your life (Alex) may take longer than you think to be knitted back into the fabric of family, especially since he’s at a moment in his life when he’s most seeking to strike out independently as a young adult and to make his own path.

    Patience is key, letting him know that you door (a real one, and the one to your heart) is open but not that you are standing there by it impatiently waiting for him to turn up 🙂

    He has his own decisions to make, his own wings to stretch, so consider that you may end up moving closer but seeing him as little as now .. and that situation may stay for some years before any progress is seen (it may of course go quicker, but I hope you aren’t banking on it)

    As long as you are in it for the long haul, and keep the longer goals in mind then I hope that your decisions will be easier to make as various options come along (or not)

    I can only wish you courage in whatever comes to pass, and strength for the journey where-ever it takes you 🙂

  2. Thank you so much Kiwi! You have a way with words my dear! I am fully aware that I may not see Alex any more frequently in London. Knowing that he will be close by doesn’t change his path, but I hope it will mean something to him knowing we are close by if needed. I offered of course for him to stay with us, that he could rent and I would treat him as an adult. For now he wants residence and I do not blame him for that choice it is a right of passage.
    The more I think about the amount of money and time I will be saving in my day to day existance the more this decision is looking clearer. Of course time will tell. I still need the decision from my company to keep me on long term before I decide anything!

    • I know you have your feet on the ground and your hopes in the air, uncertainty is not easy.

      Hopefully your company will make decisions that really work for you in the long term, after all, a happier and more settled employee is a more productive employee too:) Win Win he?

      Let’s take that deep breath together as you wait and see what’s around Life’s next corner!

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