Two men too good to be true!

I have met 2 interesting men in the last 3 months that I was willing to focus on and take a chance with. The first one an actor intially told me there was a chance he was moving back to Vancouver so I have to give him credit for that. But it was not fair for him to pull me into his world when he knew he was going to leave anyway.

A couple months ago I met Mike online. We had some deep conversations and then he disappeared for a while. this worked out since Tim came into my life anyway. The day I reactivated my profile on the dating site Mike found me again. Things had gotten busy with work and he had never stopped thinking about me and he was so happy that he found me again. I had also been looking for him and hopeful that I would see him on the site again too.

So this was our chance. we met for a great coffee and it felt wonderful he had a great job, a religious background that didn’t really clash with my spiritual background. Lots of friends and family that he is close too. His profile said non smoker, social drinker,no drugs. On our second date he was telling his sister Carmen about me and how wonderful i was. By the third date he was talking about how he could see falling in love with me. I was happy.  He wasn’t really on the dating site anymore which was also a good sign to me. He was electrician who had been with the same company for over 15 years. He had come out of a long term marriage 4 years ago. He had 2 adult children that he supports financially and lots of friends too. He likes to laugh , he dances and he had not been in a relationship for 2 years and was ready for one.

Then Saturday night I learned a lot about him, he drank a fair amount and a lot came out of him…to his credit he became honest with me.

1. Carmen is not his sister , she is in fact one of his best friends that he met on the dating site but never had romantic relationship with.

2. He smokes….not once did i see that in our first 3 encounters. He claims that its only when he is drinking….I might be able live with that.

3. He was not friendly to my friends Saturday night. That hinted to me that he was very uncomfortable in his skin and was also a red flag to me.

4. When I dropped him off at his place .he told me that his van was in the driveway. Which tells me that he has likely lost his license for some reason and that he had not actually given it to his son. 

So here I am Tuesday, he won’t return my calls. Iwanted a chance to ask him about whether he was caught drinking and driving ,I am certain its because he knows he told me way more than he should have saturday and now he is likely to nervous to talk to me.

I always tell people to be honest with me, I would have been willing to accept that he hit a rough patch and that this was a temporary blip in his life. But with him not returning my calls now the odds of things working out are looking very slim….and i suspect this is more than just a blip…

Life is too short to waste on living a lie….I will happily go back to single status and enjoy dancing with my Shannon and dating men who have stayed my friends over the last 6 months….those are honest men who know they are not ready for relationships.

Two men too good to be true! 

bye bye Mike.

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6 thoughts on “Two men too good to be true!

  1. Mich,
    I am sorry that this has happened….but to be honest with you, I think that you expect too much when it comes to honesty from a man.
    Regardless that you make a request to be honest right from the start, I have found that men will say and do ANYTHING. It’s called sweet-talk. I’m not saying that he was not attracted, don’t get me wrong.
    It may sound harsh, but I don’t think that after 3 dates, as good as they were, you will know the “true” man?!?!
    We woman can all agree, that a relationship comes from the heart! However, with Men coming from Mars, their perception is completely opposite.
    I strongly believe, that we need to lower our expectation of what is important in a relationship, and should the man reach that expectation, then raise them. Once the man has been caught in deceit, he will hide in his man-cave, until such time as you stop calling and he can move on freely, to do the same to someone else…

    • Oh likely true lee ann I am a romantic so I do take the chances without doing that, I am closing doors that might work in the end I am not devastated and yes he will claim to be perfect for the next girl too

      On Tue Mar 15th, 2011 1:15 PM EDT

  2. LeeAnn, not all men are like that(most are but there are a few honest ones out there) and by closing yourself off and becoming suspicious, Michelle would close herself off to the chance of finding a nice one. I too am a romantic, but by the time I got around to dating James I had become somewhat cynical and he had walls to scale and fiery hoops to jump through. It is a good man who will do all that while staying honest about his intentions and not trying to lure you into the sack by using the “L” word.
    A man who will lie to you about someone being his sister when she is a “friend” he met on the dating site will lie to you about anything. The truth has a way of coming out and I am glad that you were astute enough to dump the chump before he could make one of you. You are a wonderful romantic woman with a huge heart. Someday you will find someone worthy of you. Until then, get your self a boy toy and go on “fun” dates with these honest men. And you always have your “husband and sister wives” to have fun with 🙂

    • Claudia,
      I didn’t say all hon, but unfortunately it is the majority. Especially in today’s dating age. It’s a very sad fact, and Michelle does deserve a truthful and honest relationship she is asking for. We aren’t kids anymore, playing the “game”. We know what we want and if we don’t get it, we keep trying, cos there is someone out there for you.
      I did not say to close off, but to maybe give them more room to come out of their shells. Michelle may have felt comfortable with him, but maybe he wasn’t ready to be exposed to “her” friends, which could be why he was shy or anti-social. Remember, not everyone is as outgoing as we are :-).
      My comment was not to make Michelle feel bad, but maybe help her to slow down with what to expect and when. Nor am I justifying what he did, was right or nice.
      I am glad though, that you found out these things when you did, before you got toooo deep into it, which would have caused more pain.

  3. I think the only major red-flag was that he lied about Carmen. The rest are things that he might think you’d judge him over…and he might have been embarrassed. But, to lie about another woman?? No, no, no. (Though, I might be a teensy bit hyper-sensitive about this right now).

  4. Hey Michelle, it’s been a while. Shame about the two pigs…pardon me, ‘men’. Don’t give up on all of us though. I don’t get why I would consider lying about a girl being my sister unless I was trying to;
    – hide the fact that she is an ex-girlfriend
    – attempt protecting you from getting jealous
    – eat his cake and have it (date more than one girls at a go)

    Whatever it was, it’s a blatant lie nonetheless. You deserve better 🙂

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