I have been waiting for 3 months to have a good cry. So much has happened that has brought sadness. Deaths, illness, job loss, money issues. I do so much better when I can stand on my own 2 feet and am not reliant on the government and family for my survival. The final trigger was last week on Thursday when I found out that the company I was so excited about joining went with an internal candidate. I totally appreciate that those candidates bring company knowledge and product experience that I can not compete with…but it doesn’t change the fact it made me sad.
My good friend Donna posted a status last Friday that read
Grief that finds no vent in tears makes other organs weep.
This gave me my answer, I have been experiencing a lot of neck and shoulder pain for the last month, this is a clear reaction to stress and sadness that I am carrying in my body and my body needs me to release that stress.
historically I would wait for time alone to have a good crying episode, but life has not given me that option at home in a long time. So I got my mind wrapped around the movies I would watch to trigger the tears…my sisters keeper , notebook , and bridges of madison county were my choices. The funny thing about all this plannin is that it triggered the tears on its own lol!
So Saturday night while many of you were out dancing and having fun…I found my eyes had sprung a leak! Sunday night it happened again…By Monday morning I could feel the difference in my back and neck…I could feel hope and planning in my mind again…I could feel relief….
While these months have had lots of negatives , there have been bright lights keeping me from falling too far off the edges. Brandon, Kirsten, Megan, Alex Louis, Stan, Bonnie, Shannon, Victoria, Janet….and the list continues…its time to appreciate them and start paying attention to the positives and not let the negatives keep pulling me down.
Onward and upward I go….