The sense of Everything Happens for a Reason is a great thing to hold in your head when bad things happen to good people. However, after 7 days of dealing with the bad things I have to report that I have not stayed as positive as I wanted to be.
Reporting the news to the my stepdad the person I admire and respect and love the most was painful. He was not angry with me, but disappointed. He was not judging, but worried for me. He worries for himself too, since he has been my financial crutch through the last 5 years of my rebuilding. Thankfully there are lots of jobs available today which does give me hope that I will have the job I need in April and not have to rely on him too long.
This takes a heavy toll in my heart, in my head. Its pride , its shame, its a desperate need to not have to lean on him again.
A friend contacted me on the weekend too, she needed to vent out some concerns she had about the investment she made in me to start me in Usana. I have had so much on my plate and I know that once people start seeing the results for me , they will naturally want to try Usana products too. My friend loves me, she is scared too and wants success for me.
This added to the guilt, shame , pride issues that were already plaguing my subconscious thoughts.
The result of those two events created a zombie in me. I have been working hard on getting through the steps Brandon set out for me, but I knew I was not really feeling it. My nights were full of nightmares, bad dreams, cramps in my legs, barely sleeping at all. My days were dotted with naps lots of naps! Staying up too late, eating less, and then also allowing myself to comfort myself with a large plate of fries.
Somehow I lost myself over the last 5 days. I went to see Brandon last night and admitted my lack of focus, I am scattered at best.
He knows I am overwhelmed and I have been full of anxiety to get everything done quickly. This is manifesting itself in me physically. It was very interesting to see that I could not balance on one foot, because my core balance is off while I am in this state of anxiety!
So back to basics for me, I now have a journal beside my bed to write down my dreams, and anything that interrupts my sleep at night.
I need to cut 2 hours a day out of my life to focus on Networking and job search steps.
I need to get outside and go walking in a park for 20 minutes a day to refresh my soul.
I need to plan FUN days in order to balance out the stress I am dealing with!
Last night I used 2 Usana Pure Rest tablets before I went to be at 11. I actually slept through the night with the assistance of the melatonin!
Today my goal is no NAPS before 4 pm. I can’t let bad habits take over and gain control of me.
I am not perfect and I will not hide that from you my readers! But I will not let life take me out and you will see me get back up and keep fighting!
Brandon has a new website you should check out. http://www.knssconsulting.com/
Good luck this week everyone! Measurements and current weight to be taken Saturday, will post again after that.