Life delivers messages to us all the time. People come into our lives to teach us lessons. Some of those lessons are hard to understand when you are standing in the fire feeling burnt. That is the moment that we make a choice. We can fall apart and allow internal negative voices to have power. You know the ones, “you are so stupid, you are always screwing up, you are a loser, you don’t deserve happiness”. We can wallow in self pity and use food as our best friend..the tub of haggen daz , the bag of cookies, the chips.. we know it will bring us the short term sense of warmth and comfort.
On Tuesday March 9,2010 I went to work with a smile on my face, feeling good about the day and what I would be doing. I got a phone call from my manager to meet in human resources and my stomach dropped. I knew it was over. 6 months in a great company, 6 months of serious distractions for me due to fear for my daughters health. There was no way to predict that my daughter would lose her ability to walk , no way to predict that I could not find doctors who could find an answer. No way to know that I would feel the devastation of not being able to help my child.
I lost my job, a few tears streamed down my face, i was stunned, but not overly surprised. I could not have given them my best, it was being provided to my child. I can’t take back the choices I made, and I wouldn’t have done it differently if I had it all to do again.
I have full respect for the company, truly a great place with great people. I have made wonderful friends and they will still be part of my life. This was a wonderful experience for me and I will never say a bad word about them.
So I have a choice to make. I can wallow in self pity and drop off the planet for a while until my negative voices stop laughing at me. This is not my choice!
I met with Brandon last night and he talked to me about living in the present and repackaging myself. It wasn’t easy to digest those messages while the evil voices were sitting on my shoulder, but Brandon made it clear that I am doing the right things to improve my life and I have been packaging myself for lower quality results , not for who i really am.
I have a unique ability to work with both Technology teams understanding IT and the complications of making changes to the current environment. I also have a unique ability to work with business teams and help them flush out business requirements for a , making them consider impacts, understand the way a technology change could impact other groups and those groups need to be engaged to work out problems before they occur.
That comes from over 20 years in the software industry , working with senior system programmers and working with pressured business teams who need answers and solutions quickly!
So its time to dust myself off and repackage my offerings , its time to stop relying on companies to provide my security, it doesn’t exist in today’s economy.
I will take today to breath, to get my haircut, to spend time with my daughter. Tomorrow I will be reaching out to my resources and connections to get my cart moving forward.
This will not stop me from focusing on my health goals. I now have the power and nothing will stop me! November 2010 I will be completely healthy and I will walk into my high school reunion in a perfect red dress with a body I can be proud of that is healthy and strong,that matches the healthy and strong mind and heart that I have to share!
Everything happens for a reason…hang on tight it will be a bumpy ride!!