My Perfect Spiritual Experience

Would you return to any location or time in your life to relive an experience, to build on an experience or to explore an experience further where would you go?

For me this happened during a very tulmuluos time in my life, my ex husband and I had gone away on a cruise. I almost didn’t go on this cruise with him. At christmas that year he had presented me with tickets to the cruise claiming he wanted to save our marriage and that this trip would be a fresh start for us.  At Christmas I was willing to take that chance, we had both just confessed that we had affairs, we had both hit bottom. I had just lost my job of 13 years and I needed something to look forward too.

A month after Christmas my ex was drinking heavily one night and chose to complete a bottle of rum. He came up to our bedroom and forced himself on me. This was an angry experience with him yelling at me to say he was a better man than the affair, he ignored my tears and had his way with me.

A month after that experience my ex had stopped drinking , a promise to me that nothing like that would ever happen again. I was scared of him not knowing if he would repeat the experience not fully trusting that he would stop drinking. Now I was scheduled to go on a cruise with him and pretend everything was rosy.

I went on the cruise knowing that I would find every possible activity i could. My goal was to stay busy and  not have too much alone time with him. I did Bingo, Wine Tasting, and made sure we took tours at every port. Overall, I was nervous on this trip. I wanted to believe in my ex but my anxiety level was too high to trust him. We had some good times on the cruise, we went to some cool ports. Before we left I had searched each of the islands we would be visiting looking for the best spots to take excursions. I found Magen’s Bay in St. Thomas it was listed as one of the top 10 beaches in the world.  I decided that we would have to visit this beach.

The day that we went to that beach doesn’t generate memories of the morning on the boat. I can only assume a peaceful breakfast with my ex and getting ready to leave the cruise boat for the taxi to the beach.  We brought towels for the beach and laid down. It was beautiful in a little cove waters were pure blue and green and mountains surrounded the beach. Very few people were there , a smattering of tourists and no vendors selling their wares. At some point I went into the water.. I remember the water was the perfect temperature and inviting me in further. I went deeper and laid down in a back float. At some point while I was on my back I noticed tears streaming down my face. I was looking up to the sky and I honestly for the first time in my life I felt god in that moment. God was reassuring me, telling me I would be ok and not to give up. I felt a warmth run through me and the tears kept flowing. I know God was there , I have never been a fan of the church, Bad experiences in my childhood make me not trust the church. I always believed in God. I always knew that there was something bigger than me, bigger than my life experience happening. This was the moment God felt it was important for me to know he sees me.

If I ever remarry, I want to remarry on that beach. If I ever have a chance for a vacation on an island I have to go back to Magen’s Bay. It is my spot in the world. It is where God and I had our only conversation and I need to be there again to feel that sense of calm through my body. that full level of love from God.

My life still has lots of roller coasters but this is my moment in time that I can go back to whenever I feel overwhelmed. This is my spot.

This is where I would return too…Where would you go?

Ignite London…the winds of change edition!

As I reflect on the positive energy at Ignite London last night I am left with a feeling of growth. Something is changing in me calling me to action, calling me to be an important part of my new city.

I have never been a part of a city, or church. Church taught me as a child that giving one man control over vulnerable children is a bad thing. I have shied away from church after that man exposed himself to me as a 9 year old child.  Do I paint every church leader the same, no of course not, but I don’t trust in the church concept.

Local government – No family members, no friends, no one in my circle has ever been vocal or shown interest in local government. Almost everyone I knew couldn’t have told you the name of their local representative. Local voting was considered an afterthought. You made a selection based on who you supported at the provincial or national level.

Growing up in York Region, close to Toronto was always so busy with traffic, stealing hours from my day. For most of my adult life my office commute stole at least 2 hours every day. To even consider doing anything more than taking care of my children and home was ridiculous.

Moving to London Ontario was not a decision I took lightly. I was drawn to the slower pace of life, I was drawn to the sense of community I felt when I visited the London office. I was drawn to the Thames River as water calls to my soul and soothes me.

I didn;t know what to expect starting over in London July 2011 for my 15 year old daughter and I. Getting a puppy was a strategic decision to keep us feeling loved and happy (when he doesn’t drive us nuts!) How would I get to know people in London outside of the folks I work with?  Everyone at work is great but they have their own lives with young children and established connections.

I have always been an avid user of social media. Facebook has been my prime tool, used Linked In extensively in my job search and the networking aspect needed for finding a new job. Twitter was a bit of a mystery to me. I liked it as a place to get news stories, to read celebrity gossip. I didn’t really see it as a day to day tool in my life. That changed when I moved to London.

Not really sure why I went to Twitter and starting looking for London Ontario tweets. I followed a few londoners and I noted that there was a hastag #ldnont. I started looking at users who utilized this hashtag and I am so glad I took that step. I have connected with the most incredible inspiring people in London. I discovered Ignite London thanks to Twitter and I took the risk in the fall to do a 5 minute presentation on fatty liver disease. This in itself was a huge step in making my presence known in London. The connections I have made due to that presentation are new friends that I am thankful for.

Arriving at Ignite London last night I was immediately recognized and felt a bit embarassed that I didn’t remember many faces that I saw last night! I felt a bit out of place and wished that my twitter friends all had nametags on to help me match names to the faces at the event.  I took a few chances and said hello to people guessing if they were or were not my twitter friends and finding out i was wrong, I don’t mind taking the risks and it makes for a few laughs as well. I said hi to 2 ladies who were sitting behind me and was pleased to discover that they both were on my twitter. We chatted before the event and I shared my passion for raising awareness for health issues.

The first part of Ignite London is always a game and a way to share a few laughs in teams. Last nights challenge included duct tape and teams had to come up with fashion ideas and have one member model the creation in 30 minutes. The creations were so fun, a jet pack, a st patricks day leprechaun, fashion models, a traffic cone dress, a well endowed bra on a man strutting his stuff. Everyone had fun with it and it was a blast watching the fashion show!

The second part of Ignite London is inspiration!  5 minute presentations on topics that residents  are passionate about and willing to get up and talk about in front of peers. Public Speaking is known as one of the things that scares most people so I have a ton of respect for those who are comfortable on the stage.

Sean Quigley spoke about how we are at the tipping point of coming together as a community to effect change, all we need to do is work together, pull causes together instead of working seperately, and make our voices create a wave of change!

Chantelle Diachina had so much positive energy exuding that she could have spoken about any topic and we all would have been engaged and attentive! She spoke about using the knowledge that we will all die to make us take action in our lives now. If you would die tomorrow, are the choices you are making today how you want to be remembered? Very inspiring also creating a wave of change in me.

Kresimer Jug- Kresimer is a strong healthy man who presented in November and is a man I respect and admire in London. He spoke about how being healthy  is a choice. Most of us are born healthy and strong. Living is Easy…no seconds thoughts. Then we get older and we start to make our own choices in foods. We know we are young and strong and believe we are invincible and can eat or drink anything and have no impact on on bodies. In fact when we make these decisions we are moving into a phase of life Kresimer listed as Dis- ease. We start feeling tired, a few aches and pains that we blame on getting older…Take action now to avoid chronic illness…You do not want to get to that phase! This is a topic close to my heart as I am also an advocate for this. Of course its part of the wave of change I feel inside.

Naomi Sayers – was brave enough to speak about a topic that is taboo. A sector of society we tend to ignore. Sex Workers in 2010 were declared criminals. Naomi reminded us that this is a job. Women who are in this job quite often didn’t consider it a choice. Life conditions, a poor job market, a clear demand,. lack of education and the need for money can force them into a corner. Arresting them and giving them a permanent record means society is writing them off.  This was an incredibly moving and eye opening presentation..I will look at Sex workers in a different light thanks to Naomi!

Zach Armstrong – What an awesome presentation he provided. I had no idea that so few people in Canada are involved in political parties. We need to start showing interest and getting involved. Nothing is saying that we have to become political pushers, but without our voices in the mix nothing will change. Thanks Zach, I will be in touch regarding getting involved.

Andrew Kaszowski – Why getting robbed was the greatest moment of his life. Andrew was living an organized life, moving forward with goals, involved in community and feeling like life was under control. Then he was robbed and all of a sudden he became keenly aware of paying attention to the important things in life. To stop wasting time on things that do not make a difference. Andrew inspired me to submit an idea for the July conference to speak about how losing my 100k job, marriage and starting over allowed me to appreciate the little things in life!

Martin Anderson- Clutz – Martin spoke about More, how our consumerism has made us all want more! the 75% off limited time offer, the king size meal, we are all attached to wanting bigger and more!  He is trying to live his life not looking for more! He is trying to learn how to appreciate what he has and not constantly trying to keep up with the joneses. Martin also inspired my topic idea for July.

The energy at this event was palpable, I left on a high note and it took forever to fall asleep last night as ideas and the wave of change was going through my body.

Thank you London…I look forward to being a part of the winds of change!

 

Inspired by Shania Twain

This morning was very special as I had the opportunity to be in the front row with my daughter while my favorite radio station CHFI interviewed Shania Twain!   She is down to earth, beautiful, gracious, open, honest emotional, raw and clearly someone we all should take lessons from.  The interview was short, and its sad to see that she is struggling with her throat. It appears that she is dealing with a health problem that was created by holding emotions in. I truly believe that causes my own sisters health problems and until she opens up and gets honest with herself she will always be sick. Shania is taking the steps to be open and honest with the entire world. Her voice will be back I guarantee it!Shania was delayed in traffic  so we didn’t get a chance to talk to her , but I did get to hug her and we got the picture! We also received an autographed copy of her memoirs.

I had recieved her memoir for mothers day. I have been reading and it is causing excitement in me. She dealt with poverty, abuse, depression , betrayal and has never stopped fighting for a better life. She questions everything and has a need to understand. In these ways Shania and I are very much the same person. She has created a foundation that helps children who are living in poverty. My purpose in life is to help kids who are dealing with a parent that has mental illness, drug addiction, alcoholism or other problems that make it impossible to trust or have a support system in your family. In these purposes, once again our paths cross and seem similiar.

If only I had a chance to have her read my memoir, the chance to sit down and collaborate on a kids charity that helped not just kids living in poverty but kids who are in impossible situations due to the parents they were given. Inspire kids to look beyond today, to realize there is something special inside them dying to get out. I know it would be perfect synergy….Alas, the odds of ever crossing her path or making that happen are slim to nil. But I will list her as an inspiration in my memoir and I will be quoting her in my book as she hits my heart with the way she views the world.

Meeting her today was a push to complete my memoir, I have opened it up and I am writing tonight. This chapter is for you Shania!

Smiling and so happy!

Michelle