2013 in one word “BROKEN”

After such a whirlwind 2012 with meeting Oprah Winfrey, hosting a successful Jamie Oliver Food Day Revolution, Starting Ignite Health No one could have prepared me for the reality that 2o13 would knock me down and keep kicking at me.

January 2nd my daughter who has already faced more than any child should have to with health issues fell down 12 stairs. She broke her 4th toe on her left foot. Sounded simple enough but here we are April 8 and that toe has not healed and we are going back to the Orthapedic surgeon on Friday. At our last appointment in March the surgeon looked at Megan’s xray in shock. Turned to us and said I have never had to operate on a toe before. Megan’s body doesn’t heal. I know this intutively but can’t seem to get any doctor to look beyond their area of expertise to the bigger issue below the surface.

Since January 2nd I have been taking care of Megan’s needs for showering, for all meals delivered upstairs before I leave for work. Also Toby my 2 year old labradoodle has had to count on me for all care. In that regard I took him to the Dog park on Good Friday. He had a blast there was water in the pond and he was soaking wet. I decided after an hour that was enough and i needed to get him out of there before he got any wetter! Toby is a very rambunctious! He is enthusiastic and still ALL PUPPY! I got him on his leash with the promise of a treat. He was fighting me as i had to drag him out of the dog park. I thought we were through the worst of that and all of a sudden out of my periphreal vision I notice an arm being raised. Toby noticed it too. I felt him tense and all of a sudden he pulled…..I went with him and landed very hard on my chest on Left side.

I now have a broken rib and a bruised kidney to add to the complications of taking care of Megan. I am learning how to do laundry, cook, sleep on my back , how to drive to my job, how not to stretch, laugh, cough, sneeze!

I ponder if God is laughing again, or if he is sending me a message that I still don’t have priorities right? I have a good sense of humour and it helps a lot.

I will be starting therapy on April 12 officially. I need help to understand why I keep beating myself up, picking at my skin, and I send up my white Flag!

I need help to understand what I am doing right and what I need to change, what survival techniques from my childhood are helping me and which ones need to be removed.

We are broken and we are trying to get up!

Good news and Bad News

I will give you the good news first:

My incredibly smart Megan has been exempted for 2 of her 4 classes for exams for her first semester. Megan worked to complete her English Essay on Romeo and Juliette she sent that to her English teacher on Monday and today she received the news that she will not need to write that exam and she finished with 89%. Megan was also at the top of her Science class and her science teacher has also exempted her from that exam. Math and French will be handled in the 2nd semester and Megan should be ok for her grades with missing this time at school. Her Vice Principal, Guidance counsellor and teachers are all routing for her success! I have been touched and happy with every conversation with her high school. They are very supportive and are giving Megan some much needed reassurance.

Megan is also making lots of friends on Tumblr. They are all over the world and they all exchanged christmas cards this year. Last night she worked on making homemade valentine cards to send each of them and it was good to see her enjoying that arts and craft moment!

Now for the bad news:

Saturday I took Megan back to the Emergency Department because she is still at the same level of pain she was on January 2nd when she fell down the 12 stairs and broke her foot. The emergency room doctor did another x-ray and determined that Megan’s break is not healing at all. Usually a broken bone will start to develop calluses around the break 10 days after the injury and we were far beyond that point. They put her on Tramadol for pain and referred us for urgent appointment at orthapedic clinic.

The Tramadol gave Megan the best sleep she has had in years the first night. but did not relieve the pain at all. By the 2nd day it stopped helping her sleep so its pretty clear Tramadol is doing nothing for Megan.

Wednesday January 30 was our urgent appointment with the orthapedic clinic at Victoria Hospital in London Ontario. On the way to the car on crutches Megan lost her balance and fell on a muddy incline. Luckily she did not hit her head or land on her foot but it hurt the foot as she had to move it and had to get back up with pressure on the foot. I finally got her to the car and to the hospital. I have to comment that that fact that you have an appointment at 2 pm and don’t get in until 4 pm is a very poor setup for a clinic. This was the same issue when we were there on January 9th. They show no respect for the patients time and in this day and age they should be able to properly plan out closer times for actual appointments. So we finally got into to see the resident and he had a look at the xray and asked about her underlying health issues and we told him about non alcoholic fatty liver disease. He showed a lot of interest in that so i explained it. But when it came to megans foot he really only said do you smoke? NO he asked about eating and she is now eating correctly and lots of fresh foods again. He said come back in a month. Thats it , thats all for a 2 hour wait. They will do NOTHING for her broken foot or her pain.

TO be completely honest the last month was not the best eating for us. I was exhausted working 10 hour days and coming home to help megan and take care of Toby too. I bought a lot of frozen lasagna’s and sheperd’s pie and chicken pot pie etc to make dinner a quick prep. This past Sunday I made a double batch of Spaghetti with lots of veggies and whole wheat pasta, prepped for Beef Stew for Monday night and prepped for Stirfry as well. Megan is drinking a glass of milk everyday and is taking calcium and Vitamin D as supplements too. I am now looking at other supplements and lotions and whatever else I can find to help her heal this bone faster. How much of her life is she supposed to put on hold for a broken toe! So any ideas to speed up healing would be appreciated as this is craziness after 4 weeks she is still in extreme pain and not able to put any weight on that foot. This girl has been through enough in her life already!

Ignite Health Ontario I – 2 days to go!! Get your Tickets!

I can not believe that Ignite Health Ontario I will happen in 2 days! A thought from my brain that was triggered thanks to Ignite London will materialize in a public event to help people listen to their bodies and start taking accountability for its success. We have amazing speakers that I am proud to get on stage. Jim Mills – Former London Knights Captain, impacted by Guilles – Barres Syndrome and now running the Smile Epidemic! Lisa Merriam – 20 years old and sharing her story of mental illness and how she is fighting every day to raise awareness and diminish the stigma, Blair Rymer will teach us all some base yoga moves and we all get to participate. You will get a chance to learn about and sample Kiki Natural Maple Sap beverage! You will learn why you should consider a chiropractor, a reiki treatment, or a nutritionist. You will learn from Emory Ediger how it feels to move into a nursing home and feel alone and how you can turn that around. You will hear Megan Clermont tell her story of how she has moved from living a life of chronic illness where she spent most of her time isolated and alone as a teenager to now being a thriving busy teenager who fights back against her illness. You will learn about the Jamie Oliver Food Revolution and what my role is as ambassador and what the plans are for 2013. We will have a great presentation on Getting to know your farmer, eating local and watching out for GMO’s ! Have you ever heard of Shamanic Healing? Me neither but we will learn what that can offer for your spirit, Have you considered Hypnosis to deal with challenges like smoking, weightloss, insomnia? We will get a chance to explore new ideas there too! We have all presentations ready to go, we have 2 videographers volunteering their time, we have 3 volunteer photographers, we have a projector, we have a podium, we have snacks and beverages too. Now all we need is you to come and take a seat and listen to these presenters and walk away with one new idea to help you be a better healthier you! http://ignitehealth.eventbrite.ca/?ebtv=C . http://metronews.ca/news/london/410906/former-london-knights-captain-among-speakers-at-ignite-health-ontario/ http://www.londoncommunitynews.com/2012/10/ignite-health-ontario-will-take-place-at-covent-garden-market-oct-24/ Contact Michelle Clermont 226-234-4006 for more details

What if the bully is your mother?

I am reflecting on my 15th year of life after watching #RIPAmandaTodd’s video. I was not bullied in the traditional ways at school I worked very hard to keep a smile on my face and pretend that life was perfect. I kept my distance just enough and avoided controversy by trying to be LIKED by everyone.  This was crucial to my survival at school because I was being bullied by my mother at home.

When I think back on my 15th year today I am actually trembling. This didn’t strike me as one of the worst years of my life but clearly my heart and soul remember it vividly to create anxiety in me at 44 years of age. I look around and my mother is not in my life, she can no longer manipulate my friends by pretending to be the best mother and telling them what a liar , slut and bitch I was.

A bit about that year as I think back this morning. My mother was miserable and had borderline personality disorder or some other nasty mental illness that made her jealous of her 15 year old daughter and planning to destroy her. My mother would take my purse or backpack and dump it out looking for drugs or condoms when  I got home from school. I was not sexually active yet, I was not doing drugs…but because I smoked cigarettes that meant I was evil and doing other things too. I drank alcohol with my friends at school I skipped school to have happy moments in my life. I was attracted to the bad boys and the rocker girls because I was being told I was one of them at home.

Other nights my stepdad would be away on business and my mother would force me to sleep beside her in bed telling me that she would likely die overnight and she wanted me to check to make sure she kept breathing. So I would never sleep on those nights, if i drifted off i would wake with a start and make sure she was breathing.

My mother would call my friends and be their support system, manipulating them, making them question why I was so miserable. If I shared anything about the things happening in my house my friends would roll their eyes because my mother was acting so perfect to them.

One night i was asleep in my bed around 2am. My mother woke me up and demanded i get out of bed because someone was on the phone for me. I got up blurry eyed and picked up the phone… I said hello wondering who would be calling for me at 2am…On the other end of the phone all i heard was you are such a BITCH. Then they hung up.  I burst into tears and my mother sent me back to bed.  I cried the rest of the night and got up for school in the morning. I remember so clearly looking at all my friends and wondering which one of them was on the other end of the phone. I had recognized the voice but didn’t get enough of it to be sure who it was. All my friends denied it, Clearly I was insane.  I stopped trusting my friends that day. I felt incredibly alone and my mother had worked very hard to make sure I was.

I was then in a place where I knew that my friends didn’t truly care about me and my mother hated me. I had no one, nothing. This was one of the very first times i considered suicide. I had a mother who was plotting to destroy me. How does that happen? Was I crazy, maybe I was the reason she was so miserable? Maybe I wasn’t worth talking to or being around? 

My 15th year peaked with another night where my mother was threatening to kill herself. This time she locked herself in her bathroom with a suitcase of drugs. I was screaming and pounding on the door begging her not to kill herself and asking her to open the door. She yelled back FINE you want to watch me kill myself you bitch….go ahead come in. My mother was sitting on the floor , she had poured all her pills on the floor and looked up at me and said which one do you want me to take next?  I begged her to stop. she told me that this was my fault anyway, I was the reason her life was ruined, I was the reason she was killing herself. I was frantic I yelled for my stepdad and he called 911.

4 police cars pulled up to my house that night. It actually took 4 police officers to pull my mother out of the bathroom. She fought them tooth and nail. She was taken to the hospital and I was taken to a temporary foster home. I was a mess , and I was put into a co-ed home. This was a mistake for a completely destroyed 15 year old. Boys gave me attention and I lost my virginity that summer because I had no self esteem. I didn’t even like the boy that took my virginity I just thought i might as well do this since my mother said i was a slut anyway.

I was put on birth control that summer which was the right thing to do by the foster family. I actually loved the freedom I had at this home. I started to calm down and they had a big pond that I could sit by and be soothed by the water.  I was having supervised visits with my mother as she was being treated at the hospital and had been there 6 weeks. After she got home I received a call from my mother…and all she said on the other end of the phone was Why did you steal my frozen spinach pastry puffs? I was mystified, I told her I did not steal them and I hung up. Then I started laughing and I knew that my mother was actually crazy. This was the clear line for me.  Why would anyone steal a frozen pastry puff? I was not even living at home to steal it.

In actuality , she was obsessed with me, she needed to control me, she needed to make sure I didn’t love anyone more than her. I was sent home to return to school in August of that year, I decided that when I went home I would no longer respond to her attacks. I would treat her like she was normal and refuse to feed the craziness in her.  At 15 I completely understood mental illness.

She went back to school that september and started volunteering for the college newspaper. She moved into a happy period of her life and thats why my 16th year was actually pretty good.

Amy Todd was bullied to the end of her rope. She didn’t know anyone was there for her, she didn;t have tools to find inner strength and peace to guide her back from the brink. I was lucky that there has always been something in me that was a fighter, I refused to be totally destroyed by anyone. I refused to make my mother happy by killing myself!

At 17 she actually chased me with a knife and wanted to kill me, but thats another story and its in another blog titled the night my mother tried to kill me.

No child should ever feel this alone in the world, Someone should have stood up and helped Amanda stand up to her bully. Whoever that boy or man who constantly manipulated her and stalked her from town to town should be charged with murder. Where was her family? Were they supportive, did Amanda listen to them? She was 15 only 15…..

My message to teens is YOU have NO idea what is going on at home for a child you are bullying. For all you know they have a mother like mine. Are you really willing to be the person that pushes someone to the edge of considering suicide. Be kind, be supportive, don’t rush to judgement. Everyone has a story and everyone deserves to be heard. Everyone deserves to have someone in their life they can turn too.

I survived my mother’s bullying and I wish strength to any child who is dealing with a bully in their home or in their life outside of home. You are not alone. Many of us have been there and know your pain.

Hugs

 

Michelle

 

 

Tell the Truth to Yourself About Yourself! Iylana Vanzant

I loved the energy of Iylana…dancing and clapping her way from the back of the auditorium this must have taken her almost 10 minutes due to the 8500 people in the room trying to get her attention! Once she got to the stage she commanded our attention. Her voice so powerful her spirit so strong!

She called us Golden , demanded we be golden! I felt golden in her presence! She told us about how her older brother called her ugly as a child and because she looked up to him she believed him. Until she was 30 and then she decided she was going to be beautiful on her terms and this is something I can relate to so strongly.

She kept telling us that we need to tell ourselves the truth about ourselves. Only when we accept our weaknesses as being human can we really be complete. Ego prevents us from facing the truth about ourselves.

I had only heard about Ilyana Vanzant for the first time when I saw the lifeclass.  I may have seen her on Oprah 10 years ago but I know my ego was running my life 10 years ago and I could not have truly heard her . She has been to hell and back like me with tragedies and losses throughout life.

I had a mother who called me bitch, slut, liar, worthless more times than I ever heard a positive. I still carry that belief somewhere inside me and that is a truth I have to tell myself.

I had a father who judges women based on appearance and he judged me for being overweight. I carry that inside me and I am overweight despite him, probably wanting him to love me and accept me regardless of my external size.  That is a truth that just bubbled to surface and is bringing tears to my eyes at work.

I need to explore that truth more. That it generated emotion where my mothers words generate nothing, it is worth pursuing.

I am not in touch with my mother who has deteriorated into mental illness and has not wanted to talk to anyone in family in over 12 years.  She tried to kill me at 17 years old and flew into rages regularily. I have not talked to her since 1999.

I am not in touch with my father who chose to testify against my sister in a custody case which dropped the hammer on my sister having little or no access to her own children. I need to forgive him. I had bottled up years of abuse and lack of boundaries with my father and wrote him a letter in 2006 indicating that I could no longer see him as my father, he brought nothing positive into my life and was bringing pain to my sister and I.  I told him I would always love him. We have not spoken since 2006.

I have a tentative relationship with my sister. I feel for her and she lives with chronic illness and personality issues that make it difficult to manage. I always feel that my sister takes energy from me. I never feel that she deposits anything into my life. I know she would say the same about me.  We are the product of 2 parents that should never have had children. We were played against each other growing up , we were rarely on the same side. She was the good girl with the good grades I was the bad girl always testing boundaries.

I treat myself terribly. I pick at my skin and have since I was a little girl. Always trying to cause more pain to myself than anyone around me could cause. It is a soothing to me and a compulsion that I have told family doctor I want to address.

I am lazy with housework it drives my daughter crazy. She wants a perfect mom who cooks, and cleans. I am a far from perfect person who finds it difficult to generate energy to go clean the kitchen after I cook a meal. It is something I have to work on for her happiness. No excuses for this I just don’t like cleaning! I don’t mind that there is a bit of a mess in my home. I am far from a hoarder, but it hurts her that I do not seem to care that it bothers her so much.

I know a ton about nutrition and I know exactly how foods negatively hurt the body and I am getting better at avoiding the things that hurt me but its not easy as the feeling of hurting myself is comforting.

I am afraid my bubble of accomplishments will always burst. I expect people to find out I am false. I expect people will all eventually reject me or I will always reject them.  I need to get rid of this wall that prevents me from being the best me possible.

What truth about yourself are you willing to tell yourself publicly?

Thank you Ilyana for stirring this pot!

 

 

 

 

Risks of Pregnancy with a Fatty Liver!

I am a strong advocate for people to go to their doctors and have an annual blood test to ensure your liver enzymes are within reasonable levels. I believe in prevention and becoming aware of this epidemic.

Recently in the support group I run on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/fattyliversupport/ someone asked  if anyone had gotten pregnant with the fatty liver disease. A few woman had but almost all of them had been warned by their hepatologist that this was a very dangerous thing to do.

1. The risk of giving your baby a fatty liver while in your womb is high. The risk that a healthy baby will also grow up to have a fatty liver is also high.

2. Acute Fatty Liver occurs rarely but it can happen http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acute_fatty_liver_of_pregnancy.  This is killing women and baby in childbirth and is very scary.

So wow this makes this quiet disease even more important for you to pay attention too. If you are considering getting pregnant , please get a full physical with a test for liver disease. If your result is that you have a fatty liver , you need to take advantage of this organ which can regenerate cells and you can reverse the disease.  here are my suggestions:

1. Reverse the disease by eating lots of green vegetables, lean proteins, a few fruits, a few low glycemic grains, and unsalted nuts for fats.

2. Stop eating processed or fast food.

3. Drink lots of Water, and herbal teas, do not drink soda pop or sugar based juices.

4. Use high quality supplements that are based in scientific proof.

Go for the blood test every 6 months until your liver enzymes are low.

Once your liver enzymes have  been clean for 1 year i would consider risking pregnancy.

It is critical for you and your developing baby that you eat healthy throughout the pregnancy and throughout the time you breastfeed your baby.

You do not want to risk giving your  baby this disease through your body or your breastmilk.

Once you have this baby commit to protecting your child from this disease by staying away from processed foods make your own baby foods or at least buying organic foods from a trusted source. Do not let them eat chicken nuggets, kraft dinner or any other convenient foods. Foods need to be homemade and full of healthy goodness for life!

Please consider this information and share with anyone who might be considering pregnancy. This is important and we need to stop this epidemic now!

Farewell for Now for those I love!

There are so many people who touched my life in the 5 years I spent in Markham. Words will fail me I know that and I hope that those I forget to mention here realize I love them too , it’s just that there is too much going on in my head as I pack up my life and move it to london Ontario.

These are not forever goodbyes, these are farewell for now’s to the most important people who will now be at least 2 hours away from me.

Alex – My wonderful, handsome, smart 18-year-old son. I am so incredibly proud of who you have become and that you are making such good decisions about your life at a scary time. While my heart is broken that you are not joining us in London I know you are doing the right thing by staying for another year to improve grades so that you can enter university versus college. That I can’t pick you up to go to drive in or out for dinners is sad but I do hope you will come out to London for weekends and enjoy time with your sister and I.

Stan – My rock of strength , my guiding light. That we will be 2 hours apart is not the best situation, I will miss knowing that you are only 30 mins away. We loved your face when we shocked you at your door a year ago when Megan was able to walk again. It was priceless. Meeting up for a dinner here or there will not be easy to do now either. But I also hope that you will get out to London this summer to see our new house and see me in a HOME again after 7 years of floundering.  You are a big part of the reason I am able to stand on my 2 feet today and I never lose sight of that!

Grandma: I know I will now be 4 hours away from Lindsay – you are dealing with dementia and you have chosen to leave my grandfather in the nursing home to go live in someone’s house. I promise the nurses were not changing your drugs, crank calling you or poisoining your food. Its very sad to see your 90 year old grandmother fall apart at the seems and I hate that I will be so far away.

Grandpa : I know your heart is breaking and you are crying a lot, I am sending all my love and strength to you for you to hold on and know that grandma is not doing this to hurt you. She is not doing well and she thinks she will do better in someone elses home. You need to stay strong and fight a bit longer. I know its hard when your body is falling apart and you still have your mind. You know she is making a bad decision but you can’t stop her. Sometimes I wonder if its fair that you get to keep your mind at 90. I will find a way to get to Lindsay in August I need to hug you.

Aunt Pat – You have dealt with so much of your own craziness with the house, car troubles and health concerns. You never stop amazing me with the tutoring you do for Megan, the constant care you give to grandma and grandpa, and how you help each of your children in your own way. You are also there for your friends and you have been there for me as I struggled with so many challenges too. Thank you for your energy and your spirit. I hope you will find your way to London this summer too!

Shannon : In the last year somehow you have crept into my heart and I love you. You are my partner in crime and on the dance floor. I never would have guessed that we would have ever been more that casual acquaintances even though we battled long periods of unemployment together. You make me tired just knowing how hard you work all the time. You are a fighter and a survivor just like me and regardless of what life has thrown our way we do not whine or complain on facebook we pull up our big girl pants and get out on the dancefloor and find fun whereever we go. We chased Barlow from Chick n Deli out to Mississauga to Pickering. We flirted with band members in live bands and ducked and weaved around the unmentionables like high 5 guy and other creepy characters. We laughed at the women trying to be 20 when they are 50 and we smiled at the 80 year old women knowing that we will still be dancing at 80 too! There is a 3rd bedroom in my house and you my dear woman have your name etched in the wall with Alex as always a room to stay in.

Claudia and James and even Ash!- Where do I begin with you? Claudia you and I have been good friends since the days of the flirt chat rooms. whether teasing the guys on video cam, or bouncing on each others laps to break balloons at a charity event. Then you out of all of the chatters in the room found love. You planned a wonderful secret wedding for your family and I was brimming with pride that I knew that secret!  I love that you did that so perfectly! You became my sister wife on a boat cruise last summer when James gallantly offered to be my hubby so that creepy guy would stop hitting on me. Bringing Megan over for a day of suntanning and watching your lobby camera was a blast. so many memories and I truly hope more to come. Ash was so great to get to know you at Tammy’s  and wipe the drool off your face for tom barlow lol! you are an incredible young woman! I love the Ay family!

Kirsten – We met in 2009 when I heard you complaining about the TTC. I remember asking you where you lived and then asking you if you would be interested in commuting together. We spent 6 months getting to know each other 2 hours a day in the car, laughing at people and situations in the traffic jams. sharing family stories, understanding each other at a very deep level. I lost my job at Canadian tire but I did not lose the incredible friend I made while I was there. You asked me to be your maid of honour and I was so touched that you saw me as your closest friend in Toronto. I know Jenny would have been honoured to have this role if she could have made it from South Africa. The dinners and times with James, George and Gerard were memorable. Always full of silliness and giggles. Your wedding day was perfect and it truly went without a hitch. The beautiful sunlight on an April day was a gift from your dads. I was so happy to see it go so well. I love you guys and I hope that we can find a way to visit each other!

Brandon: You have been a guiding light, you have kept me moving forward, you have believed in me when I didn’t believe in me! How do I ever thank you! You are a wonderful person that I am so glad is a part of my life. Love you very much!

The Toronto Men who have brought me smiles and memories R, J,G, D and F. You all have a spot in my heart and I am thankful for the moments you made me feel beautiful. I wish love and happiness for all of you and til we meet again xoxo.

Other Toronto friends that need to be mentioned… Tammy – how on earth am I going to replace the laughter, good chats and wonderful hair cuts that I get in Bowmanville! Will just have to find a way to get to you…. Heather  so many memories with you some good and some bad, but we were like sisters for a long time and I hope nothing but happiness and good things for you. Gina, you are a beautiful woman who deserves a man that will treat you right. Hold out for him and love yourself! Tracey it was wonderful to do dance lessons with you and share a lot of laughs and missteps! Aly I hope you are out on a business trip really soon in London you will always have a spot with me!  Kim and Craig, I look forward to sharing your wedding day with you in October you are such an inspiration to me everyday! Cat, Dara, Donna, Janet, Victoria, Shannon B, Sharon M, Mary H, you have all had a positive impact on my life and I thank you for being a part of it.

I am very thankful to Facebook as I make this move to London Ontario, this keeps us connected regardless of distance. I look forward to coming to Toronto for visits and hosting my friends in London soon!

To my new southwest ontario friends I am looking forward to building memories and having fun with you!!

Love you all

Michelle

Are you tired and have stomach aches a lot?

There was no way I thought liver disease when my child was complaining of stomach aches, all kids complain of stomach aches. What a great way to get out of going to school. Sometimes she would throw up and I would think it was a stomach flu, she ate something bad or had heat stroke. Never once did I think Liver disease.

She complained she was too tired to help out around the house, I thought she was just being stubborn or lazy. I never thought Liver disease.

She would take forever to get over any cold or flu bug, I thought her immune system was just weak, I filled her with vitamin C, supplements and chicken soup. I never thought liver disease.

She would have trouble sleeping at night, she would toss and turn, never able to get into a restful spot, I tried sleepy music, I tried calming her with words, I tried melatonin and gravol because she always had a tummy ache. I never thought liver disease.

In Fall 2008 ,When the pediatrician finally did an ultrasound of her stomach and had the blood test results he turned to us and said…you have a disease called NASH, go home exercise.and eat better.

I went home happy, I finally had a diagnosis for my daughter, the name of a real disease, she was not making it up!

I went to the internet and typed in NASH. I got a lot of Steve nash sites. Then i found one site that talked about it as liver disease.

I started reading and see that it can be fatal, that there is no cure and that its the 2nd stage of fatty liver disease.

Now I was angry, how could the doctor just turn to us and casually say this, no real direction no real help!

She could have cirrohsis next how close was she to that , I had no idea.

I then started searching for a diet for fatty liver disease. There was nothing. Out of desperation I started a support group on Facebook. Slowly I started getting people joining the group from all over the world. Some old, some young, some skinny , most overweight. Now I know how to deal with living with the disease and thats why I am doing this blog. I want everyone to know about and to start respecting this disease.

This is a global disease, with global ramifications. This is not going away, you cannot hide from it. Doctors are only now starting to research it and most know less than I do after dealing with over 200 people in my group with the disease over the last 3 years. I know the pains, I know the challenges with doctors, I know the ways to alleviate symptoms.

Stomach aches and fatigue are the symptoms of Fatty Liver Disease. 2 years ago it was estimated that 25% of the north american population has this disease. Now in 2011 that estimate is at 30%. Most people are completely unaware that they have the disease or that their child may have the disease.

With the increase in Sodium, preservatives, pesticides, High Fructose Corn Syrup, and other chemicals in our foods our poor liver has no way to break everything down and it starts to give up. It takes this odd unnatural item and it stores it within itself as a fat cell. It doesn’t want to make the other organs try to deal with this intruder in your body. The liver is a martyr , the liver is the hardest working organ in your body. When its compromised the rest of your body has to work harder. When its comprimised you have no choice but to change the way you eat!

The next time you are at the doctors office, the next time you take your child to the pediatrician, ask them to run a blood test to check your liver levels. You need to know if you have this disease as early as possible to avoid the later stages and to avoid more complications.

So do yourself a favor get tested,  join my group on facebook to find people that understand and please share this blog with everyone you love.

Your liver will thank you

Michelle Clermont

Fatty Liver Disease Consultant

Megan taking control and leading us to healthier lifestyle!

I am so very proud of my 14 year old daughter Megan. In the last week she has lost 6 lbs. She has set herself a goal of losing 20 lbs to get herself a product at Bath and Bodyworks as a reward for her hardwork. She is checking the scale everyday which is not the best idea but other than that I could not be more impressed by this.

She is entering every food into an internet program which breaks down all the nutrients and grades foods as A – D’s. She takes every container we use and she painstakingly adds them to the database. She is averaging A days and making sure I do as well. She is noticing how much salt and sugar manufacturers are using with the labels screaming lowfat! She is not letting us buy yogurts with too much sugar, We are checking every label for Salt , fats, sugars and fibre to make sure we eat balanced.

We are spending 90% of our time in the fruit and veggie aisle and we are back to cutting up all the fruit and veggies on Sunday to make the rest of the week easy.

We found a quickprep oatmeal that is for weight control by quakers that was surprisingly a Grade A product and not too high in sugar or salts.

We found that basic Cheerios are also a better choice than the multigrain Cheerios which has a lot more sugar.

She is running everyday not for long periods of time but she enters the time she runs into the program and it gets her a few more calories to spend on foods.

She is setting a NON FOOD related reward for her mini goals! This is perfect and the right way to do it!

We made guacamole last night for her to dip her new favorite veggie Celery into.. Celery being less than zero calories!

We have a meal plan for the week and she is excited about this change!

This came out of Megan totally and completely. I was working us toward healthier eating, but she has taken the bull by the horns! She is getting me excited with her enthusiasm and I will be getting healthier alongside her.

Megan will not be a teen that turns to silly diet plans, she is learning the right things to look for, she is insisting we target grade A meals everyday.

Her liver will thank her, her body will thank her, her self esteem will thank her. and so will I.

Thank you Megan I love you.

Mothers Day and sadness it creates for me

I love being a mother, I always knew even as a child it was my destiny. I love knowing my children love and respect me and want to give me everything they can in gifts. I love knowing my friends see me as a good mother. Sadly its not something I ever feel sure of.

Thats due to growing up with a mother that called me names, manipulated my friends, alienated all family, tried to kill me and attempted suicide in front of me.

I had no role model in mothering

 I was never taught how to be empathetic, but I always tried to understand my mother.

I was never taught to be kind to others, but I always tried to make my mother happy

I was taught to swear, but hearing so much of it growing up makes me keenly aware of how much it hurts

I was never taught how to be protective of a child. but I always tried to protect my sister from the abuse around us.

I was never taught to appreciate gifts when my gifts were rejected as thoughtless and wrong, I always try to create moments and make gifts special so that you will not reject them.

In the end I was taught what NOT to do by my mother. So I find it a challenge to mother sometimes. Its not easy for me to start conversations with my teenage judgemental children as I was always attacked for my thoughts or ideas and was told I was stupid or an idiot. It is in their nature to reject my ideas and thoughts as silly or old fashioned since I am old and they are at the stage where they know everything.

I know Megan wishes I would generate more conversations with her so that will be my focus in improving my mothering skills this year. I have to get past that fear of rejection and remember that my children are teens and it is expected and not a true personal attack on me like it was with my mother.

I wish I had a mother sometimes, and mothers day always brings tears to my eyes. I have my aunt, I have my grandmother, I have my stepfather so I know I am  surrounded by love. But I do not have a picture of a mother to post on facebook with my friends, I cannot share sweet stories, or words of advice she provided. I can’t turn to her when I feel that I am not being a good enough mother for reassurance, I can’t turn to her for advice. Mental illness owns my mother and I do not have access to any part of her anymore.

So if you have a mother that guides you, that provided support and love to you, If you have a protective mother, If you have a mother you can turn to, or a mother who has passed away and has left wonderful memories I want you to appreciate that with all you have!

Happy Mothers Day all!