Finally 2013 looking much better!!

2013 has been a rough year personally with broken bones ruling my life! As of April 12, 2013 we finally got the news that Megan’s toe was healing and she would not require surgery

Over the last couple of weeks my rib has healed enough that I rarely feel the pain unless i am stretching that specific area.

I have seen Megan walking down the stairs without crutches, climbing up the stairs without having to crawl.

She is still reliant somewhat on the chair in the shower but is standing to wash most of her body and her need for me is reducing dramatically.

We have gone out without her wheelchair! We have replaced the air cast with very high quality doc marten’s to provide the added support for her foot. But at least she feels more human!

Alex returned from Halifax completing his first year of university it has matured him so much and he is flourishing in that setting.  I got to meet his beautful girlfriend Beth. They are perfect together and were together for most of this school year. Sadly Beth is from England and had a year in Canada which ends at the end of May when she will return home and the relationship will end. This relationship will likely be the one they both look back on and compare every other relationship too as they start meeting other people. I am so happy for them for experiencing this together and I know Alex will not settle for less than what he had with Beth and I hope the same for Beth. You both deserve happiness and don’t settle for less.

Alex has struggled with finding a job in the last year. This is not unusual for students, the economy is very very hard on young adults who are looking for work. The jobs they apply for are also being applied for by adults who are underemployed and need more money.  Alex started watching job ads and saw one for a Caulking company looking for a student for the summer. He contacted them and met with them and he has now officially started working for the summer at 14 dollars per hour which is awesome for a summer job and will make returning to university in the fall so much easier!

For Megan I am always watching for opportunities to enrich her life experience. As she is not in school very much due to health over the last 5 years i try to make sure there is always something to look forward to, always something to fight for.  In February I was looking at the WE DAY website and I found http://www.metowe.com/ On this site their were summer camps with leadership streams that would be so perfect for Megan. But they are 900 for a week and there would be no way I could pay for her to attend.  I noticed that there was a bursary option with investors group and I looked into that. Megan would need to write about why she wanted to attend the camp and what she hoped to get out of it. She needed 2 other letters of recomendations. I wrote one easily talking about why Megan deserves this and her school guidance counsellor also wrote a nice letter for her.

We forgot about it for the month of April , had no idea how many kids would apply for a bursary , whether there was any shot for Megan to attend. We focussed on getting Megan walking and her toe! On April 30, 2013 Megan got a voice mail from MetoWe for her to call them. Megan and I looked at each other and i know i caught my breath thinking would they call if She DID NOT get a bursary…talked myself into that they would want to thank every student for their efforts.

Megan called them on May 1. Not only had she qualified for a bursary she qualified for the highest amount they have ever given a student from Investors group! She was given 400 dollars towards the 900.00 cost of this camp.  This is going to be so incredible for Megan, It will be in August just before she returns to school and I know she will be so inspired! They are not allowed to bring electronics and have to focus on the program. This is the program she will attend

 

Offered weeks one (July 7-13) and four (August 4-10)

This program is designed for youth who are interested in tackling problems in a new creative way that can help foster positive social change. Social Innovation focuses on providing youth with the skill set of a successful “innovator” Youth will develop not only leadership skills and a better understanding of the issues the world is facing, but creative thinking, idea generation, and collaboration skills–all important for producing ideas that change the world.

This stream will:

• Develop campers’ leadership  and life skills, including communication, collaboration, planning and decision making

• Provide a  deeper understanding of the role that social innovation is playing in reshaping the way we look at social justice issues

• Develop the skill set of a social innovator, including:  creating  social capital , networking, generating creative solutions to problems, coming to terms with and dealing with failure  and fostering the self-motivation to carry out and implement an idea

• Creating a blueprint of a business plan that uses these skills to have a positive impact on the local and global community

Ideal for participants who:

• Have an interest in business

• Are creative, forward-thinking and solution orientated

• Are passionate about a range of social justice issues

 

Stay tuned tomorrow as I share the ideas for how we will fundraise 500.00 for the rest of the cost of this camp in the month of May.

Brimming with Happiness here today!!

 

 

2013 in one word “BROKEN”

After such a whirlwind 2012 with meeting Oprah Winfrey, hosting a successful Jamie Oliver Food Day Revolution, Starting Ignite Health No one could have prepared me for the reality that 2o13 would knock me down and keep kicking at me.

January 2nd my daughter who has already faced more than any child should have to with health issues fell down 12 stairs. She broke her 4th toe on her left foot. Sounded simple enough but here we are April 8 and that toe has not healed and we are going back to the Orthapedic surgeon on Friday. At our last appointment in March the surgeon looked at Megan’s xray in shock. Turned to us and said I have never had to operate on a toe before. Megan’s body doesn’t heal. I know this intutively but can’t seem to get any doctor to look beyond their area of expertise to the bigger issue below the surface.

Since January 2nd I have been taking care of Megan’s needs for showering, for all meals delivered upstairs before I leave for work. Also Toby my 2 year old labradoodle has had to count on me for all care. In that regard I took him to the Dog park on Good Friday. He had a blast there was water in the pond and he was soaking wet. I decided after an hour that was enough and i needed to get him out of there before he got any wetter! Toby is a very rambunctious! He is enthusiastic and still ALL PUPPY! I got him on his leash with the promise of a treat. He was fighting me as i had to drag him out of the dog park. I thought we were through the worst of that and all of a sudden out of my periphreal vision I notice an arm being raised. Toby noticed it too. I felt him tense and all of a sudden he pulled…..I went with him and landed very hard on my chest on Left side.

I now have a broken rib and a bruised kidney to add to the complications of taking care of Megan. I am learning how to do laundry, cook, sleep on my back , how to drive to my job, how not to stretch, laugh, cough, sneeze!

I ponder if God is laughing again, or if he is sending me a message that I still don’t have priorities right? I have a good sense of humour and it helps a lot.

I will be starting therapy on April 12 officially. I need help to understand why I keep beating myself up, picking at my skin, and I send up my white Flag!

I need help to understand what I am doing right and what I need to change, what survival techniques from my childhood are helping me and which ones need to be removed.

We are broken and we are trying to get up!

Good news and Bad News

I will give you the good news first:

My incredibly smart Megan has been exempted for 2 of her 4 classes for exams for her first semester. Megan worked to complete her English Essay on Romeo and Juliette she sent that to her English teacher on Monday and today she received the news that she will not need to write that exam and she finished with 89%. Megan was also at the top of her Science class and her science teacher has also exempted her from that exam. Math and French will be handled in the 2nd semester and Megan should be ok for her grades with missing this time at school. Her Vice Principal, Guidance counsellor and teachers are all routing for her success! I have been touched and happy with every conversation with her high school. They are very supportive and are giving Megan some much needed reassurance.

Megan is also making lots of friends on Tumblr. They are all over the world and they all exchanged christmas cards this year. Last night she worked on making homemade valentine cards to send each of them and it was good to see her enjoying that arts and craft moment!

Now for the bad news:

Saturday I took Megan back to the Emergency Department because she is still at the same level of pain she was on January 2nd when she fell down the 12 stairs and broke her foot. The emergency room doctor did another x-ray and determined that Megan’s break is not healing at all. Usually a broken bone will start to develop calluses around the break 10 days after the injury and we were far beyond that point. They put her on Tramadol for pain and referred us for urgent appointment at orthapedic clinic.

The Tramadol gave Megan the best sleep she has had in years the first night. but did not relieve the pain at all. By the 2nd day it stopped helping her sleep so its pretty clear Tramadol is doing nothing for Megan.

Wednesday January 30 was our urgent appointment with the orthapedic clinic at Victoria Hospital in London Ontario. On the way to the car on crutches Megan lost her balance and fell on a muddy incline. Luckily she did not hit her head or land on her foot but it hurt the foot as she had to move it and had to get back up with pressure on the foot. I finally got her to the car and to the hospital. I have to comment that that fact that you have an appointment at 2 pm and don’t get in until 4 pm is a very poor setup for a clinic. This was the same issue when we were there on January 9th. They show no respect for the patients time and in this day and age they should be able to properly plan out closer times for actual appointments. So we finally got into to see the resident and he had a look at the xray and asked about her underlying health issues and we told him about non alcoholic fatty liver disease. He showed a lot of interest in that so i explained it. But when it came to megans foot he really only said do you smoke? NO he asked about eating and she is now eating correctly and lots of fresh foods again. He said come back in a month. Thats it , thats all for a 2 hour wait. They will do NOTHING for her broken foot or her pain.

TO be completely honest the last month was not the best eating for us. I was exhausted working 10 hour days and coming home to help megan and take care of Toby too. I bought a lot of frozen lasagna’s and sheperd’s pie and chicken pot pie etc to make dinner a quick prep. This past Sunday I made a double batch of Spaghetti with lots of veggies and whole wheat pasta, prepped for Beef Stew for Monday night and prepped for Stirfry as well. Megan is drinking a glass of milk everyday and is taking calcium and Vitamin D as supplements too. I am now looking at other supplements and lotions and whatever else I can find to help her heal this bone faster. How much of her life is she supposed to put on hold for a broken toe! So any ideas to speed up healing would be appreciated as this is craziness after 4 weeks she is still in extreme pain and not able to put any weight on that foot. This girl has been through enough in her life already!

2013 a rocky start so far!!

Well my dear readers you will not believe the updates I have for you since Christmas it has truly been a time of challenges that make you wonder if God is giggling watching me try to manage!

My Christmas with family was held on December 23rd and that went very well, My sister who has been struggling so much was able to attend with her children Ethan and Cailyn. I had not seen my niece and nephew in 2 years so it was very special to have them there!!

I was starting to feel sick on the 23rd and got through that day exhausted but happy! On the 24th I started feeling much worse and then I was sick with the flu for a good 9 days after that making the time off I had helpful for recovery but not for enjoying the rest of the holidays.

Fast forward to January 2nd my flu has passed and I am back to working normal shift. I am driving home and tired when my phone rings. I put it on speaker and all I heard was screaming at the other end. I knew it was my daughter only from call display. Between screams of pain and crying unconsolably she was able to tell me that she had fallen down 12 stairs at home.  I assured her I would be home soon and tried to get her to calm down. She could not calm down , I told her I needed to hang up and I would be there asap. She t0ld me she thinks she broke her toes.

I called Telehealth which is a free service in Ontario that allows you to speak to a registered nurse , I was told a nurse would call me back. I got home and found Megan on the couch still crying in pain. I looked at her foot and could not see anything obvious. I got her ice and then I wrapped her foot up and called Telehealth back. They said they were backlogged and that someone would call back within a couple hours. I tried to get Megan up on her feet and she fell back in significant pain. I realized I could not get her to my car and that I would have to call an ambulance for her. This was a first, Megan was not thrilled about the prospect about being in an ambulance but she was in so much pain she could not argue. They arrived within 10 minutes and she was loaded into the ambulance and taken to the childrens hospital. I grabbed books and things to keep us amused for the evening and headed out behind her.

We arrived at hospital and then it was a long wait in a hallway. Megan was in a wheelchair with her leg outstretched and her foot in the way of people, hospital beds and other machines that were being transferred from ward to ward. We cringed as everyone turned the corner we were so sure someone would accidently hit her foot. Lots of people not looking where they are going we got lucky and she never got hit!  Megan finally got into a bed 4 hours later and the first doctor that examined her thought that she was ok and likely no breaks in her foot. She was given pain killers and then was told she was going for an xray. A resident came to look at Megan and was very empathetic and thorough with her investigation. She was taken for her xray and we waited for the results.  I looked at the nurses station and saw 4 doctors staring at her xray , turning their heads to the side and looking puzzled. The resident came over and told Megan she had broken 2 toes!  The 4th toe was broken in half! the baby toe had a hairline fracture on the joint! We took Megan to the casting room and the resident and doctor wrapped her toes up buddy style and then wrapped the foot at the front in a lot of layers of gauze and then worked up the leg , they covered that with fiberglass and more gauze. We were told to wait in the room and that a nurse would come in to help her learn how to use crutches. We waited and waited and waited. It was now past 1 in the morning and I was completely exhausted. I went to the nurses station after 30 minutes and found that no one had told a nurse to come to teach her to use crutches or sign her out. They apologized profusely and hurried to the room to get Megan on her crutches. I finally got her out of there and home by 2am. Getting her to the house in crutches over ice and snow banks was hell. She was exhausted and there was no easy way to get there, She did it slowly and painfully. Once we got into the house,  she and I both crashed into bed and I was thankful I was off on Thursday to recover from that experience.  Thursday, she tried to get around the house in crutches and was able to do it but not easily. Her balance is not good as a rule. Her upper arm strength is not great and her level of pain was severe. She was using Ibuprofen but it really was not helping her very much. We talked about how she would shower and I started to realize how difficult this was going to be.

On Friday the 4th she indicated that the pain was WORSE than it was during the fall and that she felt a blister on her ankle which indicated that there was not enough bandage there to protect that skin. We decided to take her back to the hospital to have the ankle looked at and ask about the pain. She got into an emergency bed quickly and a doctor came to see her almost immediately. He laughed and asked who had done this cast. He couldn’t believe the hospital had done such a bad job of casting!  He went and looked at Megan’s xray and came back saying the 4th toe is clearly broken but that the baby toe was fine. He unwrapped Megan’s foot and leg and agreed that there was a blister on the back of her ankle. He told her that they had buddy taped her toes for support and that was the key for her recovery. He suggested an air cast. Megan was fitted into an air cast but still could not put weight on the foot.

On the Saturday I decided that the only way Megan would be able to return to school would be in a wheelchair. Also I needed a solution for her for the bathtub . I found a company in London Ontario called Duramed. They were very helpful and reasonably priced. They didn’t need a credit card to secure the rentals and I got a wheelchair and a bath bench for Megan. I brought them home and hoped that I would be able to get Megan back to school the following Monday.  But that was not to be, Megan was dealing with serious pain and the pain was preventing her from sleeping. She indicated that she could not deal with the pain, that the pain killers were not helping at all. I told her I would get her Motrin instead of the Advil and see if that helped. It seemed to a little bit but within another day it was back to the same level. We had an appointment with the Orthapedic surgeon on Wednesday January 9. We hoped that they would give us direction and provide Megan with a better pain killer. They looked at Megan’s xray and said that she did not have a fracture on baby toe and that her 4th toe will continue to hurt for quite some time and likely 4 – 6 weeks before its better. We left a little bit disappointed we were on our own with no real direction and no pain killers.  I hoped that it would alleviate over the next few days and called the office to request vacation time for the rest of the week.

I was completely overwhelmed.  Megan was in so much pain and I could not help her with that, I was having to do everything for her and even help her into the shower, bringing her things upstairs and downstairs , all the cleaning, cooking, laundry, helping her get dressed and of course the puppy still needed attention too. I was also supposed to take care of myself and work full time.

I am very thankful to my boyfriend Peter who has been there for me even though he hasn’t seen me since before xmas.  Most men would back away and say this was not worth the effort if we can’t even see each other. But we are staying in touch via text and I know we will be ok time is on our side!

So fast forward to January 15, I get Megan to the family doctor and convince them that Megan needs something stronger in pain medications. The Advil and Motrin are NOT helping her cope. So we agree that Tylenol 3 will be the best choice. A huge number of side effects dizziness, stomach problems including constipation. dry mouth, and sense of judgement would be off. The Tylenol 3 started showing its power immediately. Megan fell asleep and woke up to tell me she could feel her toenails for the first time and did not feel any pain which then also had the side effect of not telling her she was sleeping on her arm. When she woke up she promptly found that her shoulder has dislocated, she popped it back in and we laughed at the clear impact of Tylenol 3. January 18th she found out about the dizziness and judgement issues when she tried to move into the spare bedroom to watch TV, She lost her balance and hit her head on the wall very hard. She called me at work and I had to run home to check on her and see if she had concussion. I called Telehealth again and they  talked to her and determined it was a mild concussion that we could manage at home. I would have to monitor her and wake her up every 4 hours for the next 48 hours.

January 19 I finally took toby to the Vet for a clear ear infection. He had been shaking his head a lot and scratching at his ears. I looked in and while they didn;t look THAT bad I knew it was an infection due to redness. So toby goes to the Vet and gets ear drops and I hope that I am finally past the worst of things for Megan and Toby.

NOPE! Megan woke up in the middle of the night Saturday throwing up. She hasn’t done that in years! It was clearly again a reaction either to the concussion or the Tylenol 3 switched her to small mild meals and she has been stable since that time.

Sunday January 20 and Toby decided to start throwing up in the afternoon. No actual food and it was only foam and clear fluid.  I cleaned up the first 2 spots and wondered what that was about. Went to get groceries and Megan calls to tell me he did it again 2 times. Toby then proceeded to do this about another 12 times until 6 am Monday morning, I really started to worry about him wondering what on earth was wrong with him. I took him for a walk before i left for work and he had a bout of diarehea that was primarily water too. I knew I would have to get him to the vet yesterday.  He was very lethargic and looked so pitiful when I left him. I hated that I had to go to work but knew with all the time off for Megan I could not take more for him. Took him to the vet and they ran a smear test where they found traces of a virus that can stay stagnant in dogs until they are stressed like having an ear infection.  We got gastro specific food and medication and decided to watch him closely for next 48 hours to make sure he stabalizes and doesn’t have another issue.

So here I am Tuesday January 22nd. Left the house this morning with Toby hungry and seeming to be feeling better and Megan not hurting herself further since January 18. I am praying that things will now start to settle because I truly can’t take much more. Megan is now unable to return to school this term due to the Tylenol 3 impact and we are working to have her expempted from exams based on great progress in the term prior to this broken foot. Our goal is to get her back to school for start of new semester on February 4th. Your best wishes are welcomed as I fight to help Megan recover for that date!

I am welcoming guest bloggers for a bit as I will stay busy with this for the forseeable future. So If you have an inspirational story to share please email me at michelleclerm@gmail.com and I would be happy to share it for you!

Tears lots and lots of Tears!

Well since my last post where I told you all that I was taking some time for myself after determining that I had built a solid brick wall around my heart has been very interesting indeed.

Since November I have cried enough tears to fill a bathtub! I have salt stains on my face that will likely stick around for a while!  I cry about memories, I cry due to happiness, I cry for lost moments that should have happened.  When I am driving I find that songs will remind me of the man I am proud to call my boyfriend, best friend and the sweetest kindest man i have ever known. That will create tears of happiness and gratitude in my heart. I will share more about him another time. Suffice to say I am very happy.

I hear other songs and I will think about my kids and burst into tears. The nostalgia for christmas long ago when Alex used to cry on Christmas Eve because he couldn’t fall asleep and he was so worried and anxious that he was ruining christmas for every child in the world. I would read to him for hours and I would try so hard to calm him down. It took hours and that little boy truly was carrying the weight of the world in his heart. He is now 19 and I don’t think he had any trouble falling asleep christmas eve. But I would have been ready to cuddle him and settle him until he could fall asleep if he ever needs that again! Those tears are for days gone by and moments that I know will never be repeated but will always be in my heart.

Tears for the little abused girl that i was  have come too. I was such a strong smart friendly child and the world around me tried its hardest to squash me and destroy me. But my soul was stronger than that and I am so proud to say that no one in my life has ever had the power to destroy my inner strength and I can say with conviction. No one EVER will!

 

I cried when Toby chased snowflakes last night..just a couple tears but to see his joy and playfulness with something so basic reminds me why puppies and little children will always be my favorite things.

My Children both bought me gifts this year that absolutely mean the world to me.  Alex picked out a homemade scarf for me with all my favorite colours reflected in it! I adore it! Megan got me a really cute picture book with photo’s of dogs taken under water! Its amazing! She also got me a wonderful Sherpa Blanket that has been my best friend while I have been sick!

Underwater Dogs from Megan! Great Book!

 

 

Sherpa Blanket from Megan!

Alex’s gift to me

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 10,000 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 17 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

A Real Friend

In my life I have met 2 people like this. Who could read me completely from the moment we met. Who can see my walls and challenge me to to take them down to reveal the inner Michelle who is hidden to protect myself.

This is my thank you to them!

Sometimes you know that things are meant to be

Sometimes things just fit and no issues can you see

You can’t remember feeling this safe, this whole

They envelope your heart, your spirit your soul

They come in like a whisper and become every breath

Not with effort , not with pain, just comfort and peace

They have been here before , you know that is true

They know you to well, they can read every clue

Were they part of a life from long ago

Have they found you again to sooth your soul

Friends like this are so very rare

Never reject them , be brave and prepare

For the friendship so deep you can’t hide how you feel

They will see it , they will challenge it , make sure that its real

This is honest and pure, its acceptance we desire

They can see your dark side and your sweet side,

They can see your mistakes and celebrate your wins

They can give you a shoulder, they can wipe away tears

They can hold you so tight and they can eliminate fears

They make you see yourself as you really are

They call “LIES” to the inner voices that say you aren’t

This is your best friend, the one you should be

To yourself, to you, from inside your soul

They are external but a part of you

The best part of you

The Cake Recipe of my life

My recipe was created 44 years ago

It started with an egg…

My egg was cracked and then beaten

Milk was to be added to the recipe

My Milk was sour and would not help my cake recipe

Sugar was to be added but the sugar was lumpy and hard…

So my egg continued to look for the right mix

It did not come from outside ingredients

The outside ingredients had defects that could not be overcome.

So the egg looked within …found the yolk

The yolk was pure

The Yolk was strong

The yolk refused to be infected by the outside ingredients

The whites of my egg were penetrated..

they felt the sting of the sour milk

they felt the lumps of the hard sugar

the whites were scarred and vulnerable

The Egg continued to look for the ingredients outside its shell

protecting the vulnerable whites

forgetting that the yolk was strong and ready

As my life continued I took a little milk from friends

I took a little sugar from men

I took flour from accomplishments

I took baking powder from family

I took baking soda from broken hearts

I am now a rich delicious cake

created from a life of inner strength and hope

created from a positive nature

created from an empathetic heart

I added spice to create a passionate life

I added a bit of liqueur for confidence

Now my cake is complete…

The cake needs to be shaped

The cake has scars

The cake is multi layered

The cake is supported by lots of love

I am ready to make the icing

This will be creating the exterior frosting that will complete my recipe

The scars will be hidden

The pain will not show

My life lessons are in the cake and are the perfect recipe for life

So join me as I create my icing

In that recipe is

Healthy choices

Exercise

Volunteering

Learning

Hiding behind a wall – Shutting down emotionally

I have been experiencing an awakening of sorts over the last month. I have become aware that I shut myself down emotionally about 2 years ago for a number of reasons.

I have been very successful at doing presentations and showing my passion for causes I believe in, I have made many friends at the acquaintance level and I would say I am well liked in London, Ontario.

But I started realizing a few months ago that I do not cry in movies anymore and that was something both my kids would tell you they looked at me during movies for.

I have cried in the last month a fair amount, a lot of that is about my sister and my worry for her, some of that was stress related and has been dealt with. But most of it seems to be a crack in the brick wall that I put around myself a couple years ago.

I can place a couple reasons for that initial shutdown, first i lost a best friend and it hurt me deeply, making me not want to open myself up to anyone that much again.  Second, my child was sick and doctors and everyone was giving up on her, calling her a liar and I was constantly battling for her to never back down from any of the naysayers I knew my child was sick and no one would convince me otherwise.  3rd my choice in men had brought me nothing but heartbreak.

I know that shutting down emotionally happened gradually.  I remember complaining that I felt so alone , that no one was really there for me. But no one heard me. My child who was sick was suffering so much worse than I was so i swallowed those emotions down and eventually grew cold.

I know I shut down as a little girl, it was the only way to survive the drama and violence in the home around me.  If I didn’t let it bother me then I could withstand anything.

But I am not a child anymore and I am incredibly sad knowing that I left myself that way for 2 years as an adult. It did let me focus on my job and making a difference in the community. But if you ask me what I like or what my favorite things are right now , i truly have no idea.  I am a giver by nature I have always been good at reading other peoples needs and filling them.  This was again a critical skill in dealing with mentally ill parent and alcoholic parent you had to read the signals to know if you were safe to speak or if you needed to just disappear and hope they didn’t see you.

So I have to break the wall down, it will take a bit of time and it will not be easy. I will not run Ignite Health Ontario in February now that I have figured this out. It is time for me to find my own balance and open my spirit up to the world again. I need to focus on learning what makes me happy and how to balance myself now that my daughter is healthier and stronger.

I have been my own best friend and my own worst enemy in so many ways. I am my best friend in protecting who i love, and making a difference in community because I know those things make me very very happy.  Now its time to let tears flow, to appreciate myself and love myself. I am my worst enemy in disregarding my feelings and disregarding my own wants. I am my worst enemy in taking care of everyone but me.

I am sorry to those I have been cold too, I was not fully concious of this in myself and you have only seen a small sliver of who i really am. I hope you will stick around for the discovery.

Hugs

Michelle

Sometimes the world throws you a fast ball

I was happily feeling the glow and success of Ignite Health on October 24th. The event went so perfectly and I was so proud of my daughter. I was on a natural high feeling of success.

Less than 48 hours after the event I got a call that my only sister was dealing with a bad case of depression, she essentially hit the bottom and I went to see her the next day. It was very hard to see my little sister completely broken. She is fighting back and getting good help. I know she will be so much better moving forward and I am very proud of her.

My work environment also seemed to become toxic around the same time, bullying and power struggles seemed to be impacting me and the team I work with. It became difficult to face being at the office for a few weeks.

My daughter had a terrible weekend and stopped seeing a reason to keep fighting, she has taken on so much and she is a perfectionist who has to learn her limits and not expect so much of herself. Its ok to feel weak and lost sometimes.

All of these things seem to happen directly after a perfect high in my life of efforts I make to make a difference in my community. These challenges reset me and bring me crashing back down to earth to focus on what is important in my family. I have found myself in tears more in the last 3 weeks than I had for a year. Life is never perfect, we all deal with challenges all the time and things that are not in our control. The goal is to keep moving forward and not staying in the negative mindset. This is not easy when things keep going wrong but I know that the reason I have been able to deal with so much tragedy and pain is by looking for a bright side.. moving toward a bright side. trusting in a bright side.

I always recognize when I hit an emotional bottom for me, I then focus all my energy on bringing positive into my life to offset the negative. I have started pulling together ideas for the Jamie Oliver Food Revolution weekend and I am so excited about the ideas I have!

1. thanks to my friend Christian D’Andrea we will have a day that is focussed on Veggies. A veggie fest where we will cook some basic recipes with lesser known veggies. Blind taste tests for veggies that you have never tried!! 

2. A community Garden to be created. A friend of mine Helder is working on finding a plot where we can plant seeds and then as attendees we will take turns managing the garden and we can all share in the results!

3. Back to Basics cooking lessons – lets think back to what the pioneers did for cooking we have lost basic cooking skills and haven’t provided to our children lets do this with parents and kids!

4. Growing Chefs childrens events- will certainly be back in touch with my friend Andrew Fleet to host and create awesome kids events!

I Am also looking forward to creating Ignite Health Ontario II in February 2013. Looking for a facility and to pick a date before the end of this month.

These things remind me of the good I can do and the impact I can have on a greater cause.

I am staying in touch regularily with my sister and Megan is back to looking forward. I am also looking forward to my son getting back to ontario for a visit from Halifax in December!

Christmas is coming and I am ready to restart my life again!

Don’t stay stuck! Find a reason to move forward, pick yourself up and just do it!

 

Love

 

Michelle